Short Story: The Past Catching Up


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First Lieutenant Samuel Parker lifted his felt hat, embroidered with the company insignia, from his sweat-soaked head and briefly glanced at the naked sun high above him.  He squinted in pain, swung his hat several times to cool it down, making a feeble attempt at drying it, and returned it to his head. There was about two seconds of reprieve before he started to sweat again.

“Desert gets darn hot; what d’ya say?” Cal commented from the mount beside him.

Parker grimaced and peered at the scout. It was always difficult to look at Cal “Bear Trap” Johnston in the eyes. The Montana frontiersman had a reputation of being more predator than human – uncomfortable in human company. He would stare at people with his steel-grey eyes – more wolf than man – and keep them focused until they had to look away. They never found it easy to concentrate on what they were talking about.

“Never been this cooked in all my life,” Parker replied, “and I’ve been posted in this desert since the beginning of the War.”

Cal seemed suddenly interested in conversation, something Parker hadn’t seen in the five days the company had been riding out from Fort Piute Hill. “War’s been over a year, Lieutenant – that means you’ve been here five or six years. Didya fight in the east, or play shenanigans out here in the west?”

“Neither, Cal.” Parker had been in this conversation before with other people in other places, and had the answer well rehearsed. “I served in the California Volunteers and admit it was long and wearisome. But there were a few skirmishes and we protected the trade routes into western Arizona.”

Cal lifted his hand, smiling – something never witnessed before by Parker or in reputation. “Wasn’t pickin’ a fight, Lieutenant. Just interested. I was around these here parts in some of those years. What ‘skirmishes’ were they?”

Parker started to feel uncomfortable. This was the type of question no rehearsal could fix. “Most… most were too small to be worthy of mention. There was one where rebel sympathisers were harassing our military mail run – I led a company to counter their force. We won, but there was some loss of life on both sides.”

“Was that out near the Springs?”

Parker now felt decidedly uncomfortable. “Yes… very near it.”

“I heard you fought Indians – Navajo, not sympathisers in the normal sense – yeah, I know, they got some help from the Rebs.”

The company leader closed his eyes, as if in pain. “Yes, they were Indians. Navajo, with a few Apache scouts.”

“And women and children, Lieutenant. Women and children.”

“They often brought their women and children with them, in camp.”

Cal’s cold eyes started to drill into Parker’s as he chose his words carefully. “I was at the scene soon after the ‘skirmish’, Lieutenant. It was a massacre. Most of the men, women and children were still in their camp when they were shot and cut down. Many were decapitated, and not by accident. Some, including women, had their heads put on poles. I’ll never forget that day, Lieutenant, not until I meet my Maker.”

Parker didn’t reply; at least not for a few minutes. The company column continued its comfortable trot down the desert trail and the horses’ hoof falls click clacked on the stony terrain. “I couldn’t control my men, Cal. They had the blood-lust and they were angry because two of our men had been killed by the Navajos the day before. We were excited to have found their camp, but I… lost control of them.” Tears started to well in his eyes, smudging the desert dirt that was caked beneath them. “I too will not forget what I saw.”

Cal shook his head, his eyes downcast. “It’s not fer me to pass judgement, Lieutenant, ‘cause I’ve done things that’ll keep the pearly gates shut to me. But fer what its worth, you should’ve held back yer men.”

“I know.” Parker and Cal fell silent again, and in the background they could hear the usual mutterings and jibes of the men in column, thirty yards behind them. They remained quiet for the next few hours, deep in thought, battling the ghosts of their past.

Then, much like a stroke of inspiration, Parker decided that to exorcise his ghosts he had to say more. To tell the plain truth. He began to speak, and inexplicably Cal listened as if he knew this was going to happen. “When I gave the order to attack their camp at dusk, having succeeded in dispatching their sentry, we charged in on foot. At first I was in complete control and I gave orders to the men, making it clear that women were not to be harmed unless they posed a threat; that men were not to be harmed if they surrendered. It started off fine. Then some of the men started to shoot and stab Indians randomly, and it spread among the men so quickly that it was impossible to stop them. Then many of the men started to shout ‘For Jed! For Merle!’ and… I don’t know; I just got caught up with them.

“God forgive me, Cal, I started to shoot them too, and I didn’t care who they were. I lusted for blood, and I wanted more – I wanted each action to be more disgusting and horrid then the next! I then rushed into a tent and to my surprise I found a squaw – but she was white! I heard that some white women were with Indian men, and again I saw red. I aimed my pistol at her and shot her in the chest. She collapsed like a mannequin, and I was going to close in with my sabre to… never mind. What happened next chilled me to the marrow and shook me out of my blood lust.

“The white squaw pulled herself up, in agony, and pointed her bloody hand to me. In perfect English she cursed me. ‘Dog! You rape and slay innocents to satisfy your lust! There will come a time when the eyes of blood will stare upon you, and you will pay for what you have done to my people!’

“I would have laughed at her delusional croaking, but suddenly her eyes turned completely red, having filled with blood, and the look upon her face! – it was of complete and utter hatred. It was demonic. Not for want of blood – but to rid myself of that horror, I cut her down with my sabre, over and over again. I was so tired I could barely hold my blade, and then I saw her visage. The eyes were still open, blood red, and I swear they were looking at me! I ran out of the tent and did my best to gather my men.

“As I ran away from the camp, with my men following, I saw the carnage scattered about. Each lifeless face had its eyes open; each was blood red and staring at me.

“You may call me mad, Cal, but I swear that what I described is the truth. Since then I have not seen those bloody eyes again, but I fear that one day I will, and… I believe God will have a reconciliation with me.”

Cal’s face was expressionless throughout Parker’s account, eyes downcast, and it did not change afterwards. He expertly rolled a cigarette and lit it with a match. He sucked in the tobacco smoke and exhaled. “Lieutenant, I believe you. I really do. People who are dyin’ can have the second sight. Those injuns have a way with the second sight too. I believe you’re cursed too.”

Parker didn’t know what to say, as Cal’s matter-of-fact statement was completely unexpected.

Again, they fell into silence.

The sun started to set and the company were still on the trail. Parker broke the long silence with Cal. “Where do you intend us to camp?” he asked.

Again, Cal comfortably slid into the conversation. “Just around that bend there, in a canyon, is a water hole. The only reliable one for three day’s ride. Sacred to the Indians. Ideal for our camp.”

“Good.” Parker felt relieved, as he sensed his men and their horses were in dire need of rest as well as cool, clear water.

As they approached the mountain side, whose prominent rock outcrops hid the life-sustaining spring, Corporal Maddison – ‘Maddy’ to the cavalrymen – came riding in from his forward scouting mission. “Lieutenant Sir, we struck it lucky! They’re camping at the spring!”

Parker couldn’t believe his luck. What was thought to be a pursuit that could take weeks, perhaps even a few months, had turned into a doorstep exercise. “Get the men to stay put to the right of that outcrop, Maddy. We will catch the scum at dusk.”

“Yessir!” the corporal enthusiastically replied, saluting. He galloped to the waiting men.

Parker turned to the east, expecting Cal to be inspecting the trail a hundred yards ahead, but there was no scout to be seen. He felt moderately annoyed, as Cal’s expertise was useful to plan the ambush. He knew Indians. Parker assumed the old man would be back sooner rather than later.

At the outcrop the men were excited about the prospect for a fight. This was more than just a necessary task, it was also personal. Parker followed his usual ritual of dusting off his uniform, using his last canteen water to wash his face, and shaving his two day growth. He peered into his small shaving mirror and saw a serious face, one where the ghosts that he carried weighed heavily on him. He didn’t like what he saw. Suddenly the reflection of his eyes turned blood red, filling like a pair of wine glasses.

He jumped back, dropping his mirror, shaking in fear and shock. Slowly, he approached his mirror and picked it up and peered in it again. His eyes were normal. He sighed, but it was not completely with relief. His past seemed to be rapidly catching up to him. God! Is it my time?

He looked at the setting sun and realised it was now time. Cal hadn’t returned, which deeply worried him, but he decided to attack the camp nevertheless. My eyes – my destiny lies before me.

***

Parker had spent some time giving Cal the account of what really happened, and in some ways it made him feel better… but only to a point. It also vividly replayed the horror of that terrible dusk attack on the camp at the Springs. Cal, riding slowly in the hot sun, kept the poker face he was well known for, eyes downcast.

Parker felt he needed to say one more thing. “You may call me mad, Cal, but I swear that what I described is the truth. Since then I have not seen those bloody eyes again, but I fear that one day I will, and… I believe God will have a reconciliation with me.”

Cal kept his eyes downcast. He always did when they were filled with blood. He had done this many, many times before; and eternity lay before him.  There was no reconciliation.

 

My Urge to Write (and why I don’t get involved in NaNoWriMo)

This isn’t a one-sided rant, oh no. Far from it. But it is an observation of the group dynamics of Nanowrimo (Nano for short).

Over the last few years those who do participate in Nano implore me to join it, saying it’s the best, "you just HAVE to do it!", "it’s good for you!", etc. I have to say, I had a little bit of a distorted view of it at the beginning, thinking what a waste of time it was to just spit out garbage, when as a writer, wouldn’t one be spending the days and nights of November actually writing? I got in a few heated arguments about it too, and regret it.  Since then I am aware that there are positive features of this phenomenon, including the charity elements, the way it can help those with motivational issues or even the dreaded Writer’s Block. But I still wont join in. No, sir.

My reasons are different now, and purely pragmatic, although with a taste of just allowing for me – the way I do things. I completed a 200k novel not too long ago and I’m trying to flog it off. I have written two-thirds of the second book in the series and put it on hold in order to write a YA novel that is now half written, and I aim to get a good version of it completed by end December. I write lots of short stories. I just started an international Publishing company with three partners and I am the Chief Editor – and I need to help drum up business. Then I have an arduous day job, a wife and four year old daughter that I love, and a need for at least some sleep. There, the pragmatic element is over and done with.

There are other reasons why I don’t want to do Nano. Perhaps selfish. I love my writing and I can’t bear removing myself from my projects to start another for a purpose that isn’t really suited to my needs. I don’t get WB and I don’t lose motivation – or if I do, at worst it lasts a few days. I can’t bear tearing myself away from them. Nano would do that to me.

To a lesser extent I also wonder if it is altogether healthy to have such enthusiasm generated by hundreds of thousands of participants. I will be the first to stand up and say it has a whole lot of positives associated with it, but there’s the down side as well. Only on Twitter and FB over the last few days, there are postings and blogs popping up with authors agonizing over their difficulty to keep up with their targets, and wondering if they should opt out or not. It seems like Nano definitely has a dark side to it, but it is caused by the group dynamics of this most popular event. A form of peer pressure.

Again, I emphasize that this is just an overall assessment and not a Nano-bashing exercise. I am just trying to be an observer.

I hope those of you who are enjoying it continue to get something worthwhile out of Nanowrimo. Those of you who are suffering a little – there is no penalty for dropping out and there should be no guilt from something that was generated by something as intangible as group dynamics. And there is certainly nothing wrong at all in not wanting to participate – I salute you for existing outside of those dynamics. 

Well, now that the soapbox is over, I might write my targeted 3000 words today in my YA Novel….

Short Story: Hunger

The Comte de Lyonnesse sat stylishly in his outdoor seat and closed his eyes, allowing the smells of his sumptuous banquet to invade his flaring nostrils. His sense of smell was renowned throughout the land and on this evening he could discern every meal laid before him and his four guests, and he could even identify the most subtle of ingredients in all of them.

Some of his favourite meals were laid on the table, including venison tartare – so fresh he could smell the blood pooling on the plate around the finely chopped flesh; roast buffalo calf – again, he could sense that it had the right rawness about it, so that the flesh could be fully appreciated; and lightly braised blood sausage – dark with the richness of congealed sanguis, contrasted with delectable globules of bone-white fat.

He opened his eyes and caught the remnants of the setting sun behind the far-off hills, the sky blazed in burnt umber, and in places nearly as red as life-blood. His eyes turned to his guests, the Vicomte du Mal and his wife, and Margrave Champoleon and his very lovely daughter, Cybele.

Cybele. He had loved her the moment he saw those emerald green eyes, her jet-black hair, surrounding her porcelain-white skin. It was her skin that drew him in at first, that flesh which promised so much softness to caress and to place one’s mouth against. He swallowed hard. This was always so difficult, so frustrating.

He had seen her that first time four years ago in a royal function, and it took nearly twelve months for Champoleon to finally agree to attend a dinner engagement on his estate. The elderly nobleman enjoyed his feast, and eagerly agreed to return regularly. This was what he wanted, in order to be near Cybele, and hopefully win her heart. Unfortunately she was shy, or perhaps disliked him, as she only spoke to him when responding to his questions or statements; and when she did speak, she never allowed eye contact.

Tonight was the nineteenth dinner where Cybele attended.

He worked his way slowly through the dishes, always sticking to his favourites, finding rapture in the taste and texture of the raw or near-raw animal tissue. He was the perfect host, responding to each guest’s needs, partaking of small talk, offering titbits from the banquet table when they were out of reach. Much of his behavior was automatic: his mind was only half devoted to etiquette. The other part of his attention was centered on Cybele, as it always was, hoping that he could break down her barrier.

A servant refilled his goblet with the dark, blood-red wine, and he sipped it, feeling the soothing effects of the alcohol permeate his body. He noticed that she hardly touched her own. He wished she was less inhibited, to give his love – his need – a chance.

Like all previous dinners graced with Cybele, this night saw no progress at all. His disappointment was tangible, heart-rending, but he still continued to feign the perfect host.

There was one last meal that was numbered among his favourite that was not sampled this night – the tartare. It was untouched, and on the far side of the table near his object of adoration. He studied the small plate with the minced venison molded in a slightly rounded shape – much like a young girl’s breast he thought, and he felt himself salivate at the bright redness of the freshly chopped flesh, and the glistening, diluted blood around the rim. He then turned his eyes to Cybele, as he frequently was want to do, and for a fleeting moment their eyes met. Gods! Is there a possibility that the ice is melting? His heart started to beat faster, his anticipation started to rise.

He saw her pick up the venison tartare dish and offer it to him. He couldn’t help but stare at her, and her eyes locked onto his and she smiled. “Comte de Lyonnesse, are you still hungry?”

He smiled back; his teeth were long and straight. “Yes thank you, Mademoiselle Cybele, I am hungry like a wolf.”

A Copy of A Response to An Emerging Author, Frustrated With Rejection Letters

You have my sympathies, Furball, as I have been through this, and so have many of my friends, including my fellow cofounders of IFWG Publishing. This was part of the reason why we founded our company.

I have read some revealing articles by publishers and agents about what motivates acceptance of new talent etc, and it is a tangled web – very difficult to separate and thoroughly analyze. I think we all know that one telling factor is simply the skills and taste (and perhaps even the moods) of agents and submission editors. They are busy folk and they rely on a trained eye and their "gut feel" when skimming query letters and synopses (if they get as far as synopses). Many will claim that they are so well trained they can tell by the quality of the query letter whether it is worth steaming on or not, but there are plenty of authors who have been rejected, to only "come good" by the 100th attempt, to question the quality of these folk who represented the 99 initial rejections. I wish there was a database out there somewhere that keeps track of agencies that missed opportunities. It would be telling indeed.

Then there is simple business. Most large publishing houses (and reflected by the backdrop of agents) make most of their money from established writers or celebrities. This is where they spend most of their marketing money and they know that newbies don’t return much with their first few Titles. They are not very investment oriented – they want the fast buck, often driven by their shareholders. This doesn’t help the new writer trying to get a break.

There are other reasons, but it is pointless to go on. You know, despite this, I genuinely believe that a good writer will come good eventually, more often than not. I also believe that even established writers have to market themselves – it is a simple fact, and there is good literature out there on that topic as well. As one wise editor once said, "once you get published, that is when the journey begins." So guys, those of you who haven’t been published, remember there is a journey after THAT.

Some of the strategies that I think can help get the foot in the door are related to credentials and publicity. And which tool is  most important to get there? Your writing. Try to win competitions. Try to sell as many short stories to magazines and anthologies (print and electronic) as you can. Target the bigger names – for instance, there are a bunch of sci-fi magazines where if you publish with them, you automatically qualify for entry into the Science Fiction Writers of America association. Every milestone will be another dot point on your CV which is attached to your query letter. Another way to get cred is to publish through companies like ours – and you have to help work the publicity. Once you sell enough units, you get street cred. People sit up and take notice. There are notable examples of this happening (think John Grisham, think Christopher Paolini, think Matthew Reilly).

Sorry, Furball – started to soapbox. In a nutshell, you are dead right. I say don’t give up, though – build a network of friends in the industry and place yourself in a position where luck is minimized.

cheers

Gerry
Chief Editor

Short Story: The Soldier

The rain had been pelting down for hours, and in a strange, twisted sort of way it washed and anointed the bodies lying on the battlefield. Mud and blood were mixed in puddles forming around the soldiers; most of these men were dead, others were slowly stirring, struggling with their personal pain and horror. Many men had already left the field – crawling, hobbling or walking; they numbered in the hundreds. Horses were among those who had fallen, and scores were aimlessly wandering the periphery of the field, still wild-eyed and frothy-mouthed from the battle that had taken place only minutes before. Despite the rainfall a wispy layer of mist hung a few feet above the battlefield due to the concentration of body heat of those tangled together. It made the men look otherworldly, as if their spirits had been taken and placed on display before Helwyer, god of death. There was something else permeating this large clearing on the northern side of Owerling’s Gap – a low level sound, a collective hum of pain from those who were not dead or unconscious. The downpour could not mask their suffering.

Crows were already gathering on the nearby rocky outcrops, chatting among themselves about the feast that lay before them. They were patient, their cold, yellow eyes focused with intense interest on what was happening at the far end of the clearing, where what remained of the Sundra mercenary army was forming a last stand.

 

The soldier started to choke, as he inhaled water from a dirty puddle, stirring him from his pain-wracked faint. After he had coughed out the gritty, bloody water he could hear the groans of a man lying behind him, and through his half-closed, swollen eyes, he saw a dead horse only a few feet away from his face with its mud-matted tail laying limply on the soaked earth. He painfully picked himself up from the ground, using the horse as a support, and shakily got to his feet. The soldier didn’t feel like he was hurt badly, but he ached all over and was unbelievably exhausted – nothing in his past compared to this moment.

The strength in his legs suddenly gave way and he collapsed painfully to his knees.

His studded leather armour felt as if it weighed as much as three men, and he had no choice but to sit back on his calves, clawing at his helmet, flinging it weakly onto the muddy ground, for fear of it dragging him down to the mud and muck again. Even the light cladding on his forearms and his water-soaked clothing encumbered his actions. A hoarse curse passed his swollen lips.

He raised his eyes and surveyed what had transpired around him. The rain stung his eyes, but he felt little of it. His senses were numbing. The soldier wasn’t a large man, but even in his kneeling position he saw all of the battlefield, albeit through a hazy mist and the lack of focus in his sight. Closing his eyes tightly, he willed the blurriness of his vision to disappear, and when opening them again, found greater clarity. He sighed with relief as he now was sure he was not wounded badly.

Now there was an opportunity to scan the rain-drenched field properly. To his left, to the south, was the three hundred foot high ravine that formed Owerling’s Gap. It was here where Duke Edmund had fooled Berech, general of a thousand horsemen and five thousand foot soldiers, to unwittingly march into a trap. It was a masterful strategy. Peasants were gathered from far and wide, willingly agreeing to ride fifteen hundred of Edmund’s three and a half thousand cavalry horses. They also wore the cavalrymen’s cloaks and carried sticks or farm implements underneath, to give observers the impression they bore weapons. The Duke waited for a rainy day, and when it came this morning, Berech’s spies predictably reported seeing nearly half of Edmund’s men journeying to the west, presumably to find a way through the difficult mountain ranges and attempt a flank attack on the invading mercenaries. Berech committed his entire force to a rapid counterattack through the Pass and met a thousand spearmen behind barricades, and a completely unexpected feint from two and a half thousand waiting cavalrymen.

The kneeling soldier smiled. The plan had worked perfectly. He was one of the cavalrymen who found himself on foot, and as Berech’s horsemen charged toward his line he just had enough time to see Edmund’s cavalry sweep swiftly into the enemy’s right flank and cut deep. It was too easy, as spears sliced into man and horse, collapsing Berech’s disciplined formation, scattering many of the mercenaries in panic. The rain could not drown out Berech’s battle-cry to his foot soldiers, who then rushed in. That was when the great melee commenced.

The soldier suddenly stopped smiling, as he remembered how he leapt over his barrier and rushed with the other cavalrymen into the fray, swords and shields ready. Berech’s mercenaries were seasoned veterans, efficient killers of a hundred battles, but Edmund’s plans placed all the advantage on his Arlen army, tactically and in terms of morale.

The final stage of the plan that ensured success was carried out by one of Edmund’s chief lieutenants, Maelwyk, the young but mystically talented alchemist, who waited for Berech’s army to pass completely through Owerling’s Gap. He used his Gift to cause the high eastern face of the ravine to collapse and block any possible retreat by the invaders.

The soldier’s face turned grim when remembering the last hour of the rain-drenched battle. He had little idea how the fight was progressing; all he could do with his fellow cavalrymen was hack and stab their way forward, bodily pushing and shoving the mercenaries back, hoping that the enemy would break and flee, and more importantly, praying to Rydon and the other gods that he was not going to die.

He turned his attention to the north, where the barricades had been constructed, and where he was first posted for battle. It was then that he realised the final chapter of the conflict was not over. Sundra mercenaries were fleeing in every direction, but three noblemen remained, surrounded by scores of Edmund’s men. Sundra noblemen did not surrender – they died fighting. One of the men wore fine armour and by his colours was the mercenary army’s general. This was Berech, and by his movement, and his posture, he seemed grievously wounded. The fighting stopped and Edmund’s men shifted in the mud to open a corridor to allow their Duke to face Berech.

The general suddenly found some hidden, untapped strength and charged Edmund, but the Duke deftly parried Berech’s lethal strike and thrust his blade deep into the general’s chest. The two other noblemen then attacked, screaming above the din of the rain, but they were cut down in seconds by Edmund’s bodyguards.

The kneeling soldier smiled again. He had just witnessed the end, the final glory of the battle. It was so very satisfying, although he could not explain exactly why.

He felt a twinge in his left side, and he looked down to where his cuirass met his breeches. There was a trail of blood running down his leg to the pool of water he was kneeling in, mingling with the awful pink colour that was everywhere. He didn’t see the blood running too swiftly and he had suffered worse wounds in the past; again he was reassured that his situation was not dire – not like some of the poor souls around him.

The thought of his mortality overwhelmed him when he turned his mind to his family back home in Highwater, the seat of the Earldom of Arlenmoor, a part of the greater land called Arlen. He missed his beloved Alyra and their two infant boys. He imagined holding his boys, the warm and comforting smell of their hair seemed so real to his senses; and then he thought about holding Alyra, her soft, sweet skin against his – again his senses were immersed. There was no desire in him, only a need to be in her arms. He missed them so much he began to weep.

The soldier was one of Earl Oloryk’s overseers of the nobleman’s lands, and led his Lord’s hunts. It was natural to join his Liege in Edmund’s call for arms, and he knew that his family would be provided for if he perished in battle. But these were grim times, and this battle was only the first in a long war, one where the homelands of Duke Edmund’s Arlen were threatened by a larger army than what was conquered here. He needed to be alive, to be sound of limb so that he could return to his family and protect them.

His sense of urgency was so profound, so fundamental, he felt some of his strength returning to him, and he defiantly raised his head and let the rain wash directly over his mud-stained face, allowing the drops to sting his eyes.

His thoughts turned to Duke Edmund of Arlen, the Lord of his master, the general of the Battle of Owerling’s Gap, the leader of the civil war against his brother, King Eglund of Waymoor. Some of the soldiers who he journeyed with to the Gap directly served Edmund and they worshiped the ground he walked on. Nine days ago five hundred cavalrymen from Arlenmoor – the kneeling horseman included – joined Edmund’s expeditionary force. He didn’t initially know what to make of the Duke, but it didn’t take long before he liked the man. Edmund was a true leader, was able to talk to the troops as if he was one of them, and yet inspire the hearts and minds of an entire kingdom. What became profoundly clear to the soldier was that the actions of the men in battle today was the true reflection of Edmund’s character.

They fought for him, and for his cause, and lifted themselves against the hardened skills of the Sundra mercenaries. They died for him. They placed Edmund’s orders impossibly before their waiting families – their loved ones who needed them to return.

He wondered why he had done the same as so many of the men in battle this rainy day. Why he took the risks and extended himself for his Duke. He wondered if it was Edmund’s charisma that had caused this. He pondered this notion and concluded that it wasn’t the case. Edmund’s magnetism contributed to it, but it wasn’t the core reason. He returned to thinking about his family, waiting in Highwater, and then it dawned on him what caused him to risk his life for the Duke – because Edmund knew what the fighting was for; he was perfectly in tune with what ordinary folk needed for their survival, and he therefore represented the hope of Arlen, including his homeland of Arlenmoor. The Duke was their saviour, and for the kneeling soldier Edmund was also his family’s saviour. When Edmund thrust his blade through Berech’s heart, life was given to Alyra and their two sons.

This thought, this insight made him feel content, and he raised his head again, looking at the rain-drenched battlefield with wiser eyes.

He felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him, stronger than ever, and for a moment he thought he heard his youngest son call out to him.

Two figures slowly made their way among the fallen and the maimed, followed closely by chirurgeons and soldiers giving aid to those who could be helped. The Duke pointed to the kneeling soldier. "Maelwyk, look! Let us help this soldier to his feet and carry him to shelter."

The robed figure ran to the Arlenmoor cavalryman and then stopped short, shocked by the site he had just seen. "Your Highness, I am afraid it is too late. This man has bled to death while he was kneeling. It must have taken a great effort to get up as far as he did. Poor soul, may the gods embrace his passing to the afterlife."

The Duke knelt before the dead soldier and studied his face. "Maelwyk, I have seen many battles and witnessed countless deaths, but I have not seen anything like this. His face is not downcast, it is straight and facing the battlefield. And look at his expression – it is neither pained nor peaceful, as the dead usually are. He seems exulted. As if he witnessed some great event, or understood some great truth."

"Curious indeed, my Duke. Nevertheless, this is a sad sight."

"True, Maelwyk. True." Edmund shook his head and clasped Maelwyk’s shoulder, and they continued their way among the bodies lying on the field.

The rain was still falling and hard drops of water hit the lifeless eyes of the kneeling soldier. They did not sting at all.

Short Story: The SInkhole


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I awoke with the sound of rushing water jetting from above, and the chilly swell lapping at my face.

It is pitch black. I groggily get to my feet.

I cry out in pain. The echoes of my voice reveal a confined space. I remember what happened.

The sinkhole is deep; it’s amazing I didn’t die in the fall. I know I’m bleeding all over, and I have broken ribs. I must be a ghastly sight!

It’s night up there and it’s still probably pouring. I’m numb from the cold, shaking from shock, and the acrid water is rising. It’s up to my ankles already.

I was running for my life. I thought they would never find me, especially in these wild hills… but they’re resourceful. The stormy winter night didn’t help me evade them, so I simply ran. I was drenched but didn’t care; my runners were soaked and heavy from the scrambling through rushing creeks and puddles. I never saw the sinkhole until it was too late.

The churning water is up to my thighs and I can’t feel my legs any more. The cold is oppressive. I am holding onto the rocky wall, trying to think. I need to figure out how to get up and out of this death trap.

Brian had it coming to him. He cost me a hundred thousand and the Johnson brothers will be after me now. They’re unforgiving. They’ll kill me if they find me. I dragged him into the freezing surf and when the waves lapped against my upper legs I let him go. A drowning. I was sure it’d work. I covered my tracks and headed for the mountains.

I’m scared. Terrified. I’m in the middle of nowhere; the only humans within miles want to torture and kill me, and I’m too injured to climb out of this prison. The water is high up my waist and I can barely stand. I have companions… several rats trying not to drown. I laugh. We have much in common.

I cast my mind back ten years. I was fifteen, already a year on my own – escaped my loveless, smacked-out parents. I joined the Johnsons – they taught me how to survive and make quick money. My first big job was to collect drug drop-offs – and all I had to do was wade waste deep into the estuary, locate the buoy, and retrieve…

It’s up to my neck now and rising faster than ever. I’m done for! I can’t even swim ‘cause my body is half dead already. I have no God to pray to, no parents to mourn me. I so wish I could do this all again, differently…

Things are fuzzy, slowing down. I am surrounded by a warm and comforting liquid, and it is dark. My heart beats but there is no breathing. I feel pressure and there is a dim light before me. I am born, and I am free…

Short Story: A Far Away Place

Crystal opened her eyes and saw a late afternoon sky, streaked with dark-marbled sepia clouds, and sunlight beaming through the gaps. She smiled. She knew where she was – her Far Away Place. She could smell the lush grass that she was lying on, and there was a strong scent of rose and lavender permeating the land.

She lifted herself to a seated position and felt a wave of weakness overcome her. There was also pain deep inside her chest. I have not recovered yet from my last battle with Rhab-di, she grimly thought.

She scanned her familiar surrounds: the fertile, green fields, with the deep, serene river that wound its sleepy way through the valley. Three castles were in close proximity to each other – Sir Kenneth’s fortress, accessible from the fields and roads, but impenetrable to all but the most powerful of magic; Lady Xena’s abode, once a humble cathedral but now the lady warrior’s home, protected by an enchanted wood; and finally Goldmire’s Tower, jutting from the Meandering River, and only accessible by boat.

Aside from the ominous dark clouds, all signs seemed to indicate that life was peaceful – birds were high in the sky riding the air currents; a mother duck paddled slowly in the river, followed by a line of eight ducklings, watched by a half-snoozing crane. Wild horses could be heard galloping along the east bank, neighing in exuberance at their unbridled freedom.

Crystal forgot the pain in her torso, and her weariness, and soaked in the beauty and tranquillity of her home away from home, the land she swore to protect with all her might and magic for four long years.

She heard the sound of splashing water and turned her attention to the Tower. A row boat appeared from behind the circular wall and Goldmire was sitting comfortably in it, although his hulking form caused the boat to draft deeply – leaving only an inch or two between floating and sinking. Only after a dozen strokes, the giant clumsily stepped onto the riverbank, only a few yards from Crystal. She grinned, for she always enjoyed the company of the Far Away Place’s least comely inhabitant. They looked quite a pair when they were close to each other. He was nearly twelve feet tall and Crystal was barely above three – she was quite short for a seven year old.

Goldmire was no ordinary giant, for he really was a monster, turned to the cause of goodness. He was tamed by the child-mage, Crystal. He had a humanoid form, but he was covered in bright yellow fur and he had long, sharp claws on his hands and feet. His fangs were long too, but ever since he was turned, he had a kind face – most of the time. When Rhab-di attacked the Far Away Place, Goldmire changed into a menacing defender, a ferocious adversary.

“Young Mistress, you have come back, and yet you were here only a few days ago! Does this mean the enemy is attacking again?”

Crystal got to her feet, flinching with the pain of the effort. “I suppose so, Goldmire. I never pick when I turn up, but it’s always when I’m needed.”

The large hairy face showed deep concern. “Lady Crystal, you are still wounded! Sir Kenneth has a healer – perhaps he should see you.”

Crystal shook her head. “Nothing can heal me like the land itself, and with the blessing of King Saxon. The trouble is that it always takes time.” Her thoughts turned back to the times when she had audience with the King. Saxon was an elderly man, or so it seemed to the seven year old, and had a very kindly face. She knew him all her life and he was her protector. He was like a grandfather and she loved him dearly. “As long as he is King and this land is free, I will heal.”

Goldmire looked to the sky. “Hmm. I think Rhab-di will be coming soon. The sky is turning the colour of his soul. That is always his way. Will you be strong enough?” His eyes could not disguise a mortal fear for her life.

“I’ll survive, and so will the land. I’ve had greater challenges in past battles.” Crystal had a sense of purpose few adults could match, and her eyes sparkled with determination. This was the core of her magical ability, along with her mysterious tie to the Far Away Place.

Out of the nearby woods a female form appeared, with a long bow in hand, and a quiver strapped to her back. It was Lady Xena, and when the huntress-warrior saw the pair by the river bank, she ran effortlessly across the green field, literally jumping the narrow road to Sir Kenneth’s castle, and tightly hugged the petite girl.

It took only a few seconds for Xena to realise Crystal was hurt. “This is no good, child,” she observed.

“But I am here, and we are about to fight Rhab-di again.”

Lady Xena straightened herself and surveyed the hills that surrounded the Far Away Place. Her green eyes were piercing, and she could see the smallest of creatures miles away. “I see nothing, but the signs are all around. I fear you are correct.” She placed her bow on the ground and quickly tied her long black hair into a pony tail, a ritual she followed prior to every battle.

Goldmire started to pace around the field, slowly building his mental preparedness for war. Each stomp of his foot on the ground sent tremors around him.

Trumpets suddenly sounded from the most majestic castle in the Far Away Place. The great gates opened and a silver armoured knight, riding a great white horse, rode out and followed the road toward Crystal’s group. Sir Kenneth wore red plumes on his full helm and he firmly held a long white lance with a gold blade at its tip. The horse galloped the span to the river bank in a matter of seconds, without a single bead of sweat forming on its muscular body, and he snorted when Kenneth reined him in.

The Knight effortlessly dismounted and took his helmet off, and dropped to one knee before the blonde-locked girl. “My Lady, I have seen the signs, culminating in your appearance. I am, as always, at your service.”

Crystal looked at her knight and her heart warmed with his conviction, and his strikingly handsome features. He was perfect, like Sir Galahad, and he completed the group that had, for the past four years, defeated the Foe that threatened to turn beauty into ugliness, harmony into chaos, and peacefulness into pain and misery. “Sir Kenneth, I will need your skills today.”

“As always,” he responded, echoing his former statement. He returned to his feet and saw the look in his compatriot’s faces, and then returned his gaze to her. “You are still weak. I had a feeling this may be the case, as it was only a few days ago that we had battled with Rhab-di. Will your magic be strong enough, my Lady?”

Crystal’s lips pursed and her eyes sparkled again. “Of course. We will defeat the black-hearted creature.”

Sir Kenneth dropped his head in acknowledgement and respect, and smiled. “As I guessed. You are a wonder, Lady Crystal.”

Just as the knight completed his words, lightening started to rain down on the hills to the east, and the few rays of sunlight were snuffed out by the dark clouds completely filling the sky. He jumped back into his saddle and unhooked his lance, ready for combat.

Lady Xena loosely nocked an arrow on her bow and simply stood still, eyes penetrating the eastern hills, having already spotted other signs that Rhab-di was going to attack from that direction. Goldmire stopped pacing and flexed his hands, mumbling words that could only be understood by his kind, but the intent was absolutely clear. Crystal shakily turned to the east and opened the palms of her hands to the heavens – large balls of light materialised in each. She focused on them, ensuring they were ready to defend her small group. She felt tired – more weary than she had ever felt before, and yet her magic was still strong. Her determination fed it.

The four did not move from where they were. They knew that Rhab-di always went for them – that was the creature’s purpose. Crystal secretly thought that the fiend actually targeted her, for she always sensed that her life, and the Far Away Place, were intimately connected.

Rhab-di appeared atop a hill a mile to the east. The creature was bigger than it had ever been before – a massive black cloud, shapeless, menacing. Lightning flashed from within, but it could not illuminate the cloud itself. It was a rolling mass of nothingness; of death.

Rhab-di, even without any sign of being a living, breathing creature, emanated a human-like malevolence. There was a shriek of glee that projected from the boiling cloud, and it seemed to sense Crystal’s weakness. It picked up its speed and came thundering toward the four warriors.

Sir Kenneth suddenly spurred his stallion and he immediately charged at the cloud, lance as steady as if it was resting on the ground. The gleaming head of the weapon penetrated the cloud and it flashed gold light, scattering – annihilating, a great swathe of Rhab-di’s mass. A shriek emanated again, but this time of pain. However, the cloud was huge, and the majority of it still remained, and it rolled effortlessly past the valiant knight.

Lady Xena fired arrow after arrow into the mass, and each time it entered the cloud, a giant chunk of cloud evaporated with a silver flash from the arrow head. The enemy felt this too, and Xena destroyed as much volume as Sir Kenneth, but still there was a tsunami left, heading for Crystal.

Rhab-di, despite his pain, was jubilant. Confident.

In a rage not ever seen by the mundane of humanity, Goldmire screamed out so loud that it shook leaves from trees, and then he slammed both his fists into the ground. A shock wave pulsed forward and lifted the very earth in a foot high wave, and when it hit the cloud, it shook the mass, the very vibrations causing internal disruption. Lightning bolts crossed each other, causing explosions and collapsing great pockets of Rhab-di’s gaseous body. And yet, after all of these attacks, there was more left of the enemy than what was taken away.

The cloud was now only a dozen yards away, and while it had slowed considerably, it was going to encompass all except Sir Kenneth. Crystal had been in this situation before, but the foe was always more diminished than what she now faced. She threw both her globes of power with all her might and they entered the darkness, and as they fell into the blackness and collapsed, Rhab-di cried in pain as great volumes of the cloud sucked into a new-born whiteness. Crystal saw the great Rhab-di, second after second, shrink smaller and smaller. For a while she thought that this battle would end like all others before, with the enemy disappearing…

Then Crystal’s greatest fear came to realisation. The magic had ended and there was still some cloud – no more than six feet in diameter. Goldmire leapt for the gas but the cloud evaded him; Xena had run out of arrows and drew a dagger but it was too late to intercept the foe; Sir Kenneth cried out in despair as he was far too many yards behind Rhab-di.

She invoked another two globes just when the cloud encompassed her. They were small conjurations: faint, barely holding their shape. She was spent… there was so little left in her. She fought with all her might, all the determination she had that made her so special, and then… she felt her globes collapse and drag the entire cloud into them, as well as herself…

As she became distended and one with the bright light of her magical globes, she saw the face of King Saxon – that warm and kind face – and she was able to feebly speak. “My King, I’ve failed you! We’re all lost!”

He shook his head, as he too was sucked into the white light. “No, you did not fail, my dearest one. You fought a great battle and war.”

She was one with the light.

                                                                                            ***

The heart monitor flat lined.

Crystal’s mother and father collapsed by her still body on the hospital bed, weeping uncontrollably. Dr Saxon, Crystal’s surgeon, couldn’t help but sob as well. He loved the dear, little fighter, and he was there with her since she was first diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma four years before.

He looked at her pale face and saw peace, but also a trace of that incredible determination that allowed her to fight and win many a battle over four years, where perhaps other children would have given up much earlier. He was proud of his own achievements, because he gave her some life and she grasped it with both her hands and became a wonderful person and inspiration for all who knew her.

He then turned to the small table next to her bed and saw the little diorama that Crystal had built and augmented over the four years. A small scene with three castles and a river running through. Three figurines were placed close together next to the river bank – a knight on a horse, an Amazon warrior, and a strange monster that seemed to have come from some fast food children’s meal. She loved her table, he thought. It was the world she went to when she was most in pain, when the chemo was overwhelming, when the radio therapy beat her down, or when one in a long line of operations had taken place when another malignant tumour was cut out.

He knelt and joined Crystal’s parents at the bedside and wept with them. He could barely speak but he needed to say one comforting statement. “She’s at peace now. She is now without pain in a Far Away Place.”

Short Story: She Has Been Here

The two officers led the pair of British visitors along Table Rock, the precarious outcrop which touched the corona of Niagara Falls, carefully traversing the ice and sludge that served as their path. The roar of the falls was deafening – in fact it’s deep, penetrating bass could be heard and felt from the tourists’ hotel. In moments the frigid cloud of spray they entered saturated their clothing.

Charles Dickens turned to his travelling secretary, brushing long wet locks from his handsome, boyish face. “George, isn’t this marvellous! Great God! How can any man be disappointed at this!”

George Putnam adjusted his overcoat, shivering from the cold. He moved closer to his friend and patron, so that he could be heard over the noise. “None can, Charles. However, if we stay out here for more than a few more minutes, I suspect we will succumb to the cold.” He flapped his arms, trying to warm them. “I fear that we may even end up frozen, and become additions to the scenery.”

Dickens was about to respond with a witty remark, when his eyes adjusted to the concentrated cold and moisture in the air and he saw, with absolute clarity, the intense green colour of the water falling to the frothy, jagged base below. The playwright and novelist was now at a loss for words. He was astonished by the vastness of the scene before him, more so than what he had seen when he and his small entourage had arrived at their hotel that morning.

He focused for a moment on the two dapper officers, who had earlier kindly offered to escort the visitors, and he observed that they too were struggling with the frigid conditions. He glanced behind and saw Kate and Anne – his wife and her serving maid – rugged up and under shelter, eagerly waiting for their return. Dickens realised that it was time to head back, and mentally noted that he wanted this short excursion to occur again before he left for Montreal. He stole one last glance at the green wall of water with its billowing, frosty white exhalation. His own breath was suddenly taken away; he was stunned by a vision that nearly pummelled him to his knees. Time seemed to slow to almost a standstill.

Despite the biting, scratching water vapour flailing his eyes, he saw a face forming within the churning whiteness and verdigris of the falls. It started out as a pale visage of a young and innocent female beauty, becoming, as the fractions of a second slowly passed by, more clear and attractive. Dickens’ eyes widened as he saw dark, curling hair form around this feminine form and then rose-red lips and large, bright blue eyes. Mary! Oh my Lord, it is Mary! It was the face of Mary, sister of his wife, Kate, who had died three years earlier at the tender age of seventeen. It had torn his and Kate’s souls apart. The thought of her still ached like a steel rod that pierced his heart and lungs, and which could never be removed.

Perhaps a half a second had gone by. Mary’s face started to come to life and her eyes turned to him and she smiled… a deep and penetrating smile, with a look of understanding. She acknowledges me! Then a cloud of spray engulfed the party and Mary disappeared. He thought he heard a fading sigh, amidst the cacophony of the falls.

One of the soldiers approached him. “Sir, it is too cold for a soul to survive here for long! I sincerely recommend our return to your hotel!”

Dickens nodded, but only a small portion of his mind was on what the man had said. He was still shaken to the core by his vision.

George grabbed his shoulder and turned him around, shouting. “Charles! He is right!”

This time he understood. He could feel the cold and the wet seeping into his insides. “Yes, my friends. We must return.” They all carefully made their way back to the hotel.

On their return Kate saw Dickens’ face, and knowing her husband well, could see that his paleness and the unusual look in his eyes, was more than just the extremity of the weather. It was also more than just the majestic spectacle that he had just witnessed. She joined the group and locked her arm affectionately around his. The group walked briskly back to the hotel, and Kate nonchalantly whispered in his ear. “Charles, is there something troubling you? Do you want to talk with me in our room?”

Dickens smiled. “Dearest, nothing escapes your discerning eyes, does it?” He paused for a moment. “I do need to go to our room, but… do you mind if I go there alone?”

Kate could barely disguise a frown. “I have seen that look in your eyes before, Charles. She has been gone a long time now. I do not want to see you enter that dark place again…”

He stopped walking and held her close, both hands tenderly grasping her waist. “Darling. I need to collect my thoughts. I would be lying if Mary is not on my mind at this moment.” Kate was about to speak again but he squeezed her slightly tighter, conveying the importance of his point. “I swear that I am fine. There is something I need to reason out, to reconcile.”

She sighed and nodded. “Go then, but remember that we shared our darkest days together, and benefited from it. I could not have survived without your companionship.”

He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, released his embrace, and left the group.

He climbed the stairs to his room feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, but he couldn’t explain to Kate what he saw from Table Rock, until he could understand it better himself. He swore to himself he would tell her everything.

On closing his door, and subconsciously locking it, he quickly changed into dry clothes and sat at the breakfast table near the French windows that provided a magnificent view of the falls. He poured himself a sherry and, again without thinking, prepared his note paper and ink well and quill.

He was halfway through his second glass of sherry before he was able to think at all.

Mary Hogarth. When Kate married him Mary was inseparable from her older sister and moved in with the young couple. The teenage girl was full of life – spirit – and for Dickens she was an absolute delight to have in his home. She was bubbly, excitable, and for her age, highly intelligent. She inspired him in his writing and unabashedly critiqued his works – if warranted, it was gratefully accepted, and if not, it allowed him to refine his work.

He topped up his glass. This was where there was some long-standing guilt, but of a form that was highly complex. While Mary was alive he never thought deeply about his feelings for her. There were times when he felt that she was an important part of his relationship with Kate – it was impossible to conceive of Kate without Mary, and his feelings, his (dare he say it?) desires, could not separate the two. After she died – that awful year when it was clear her heart was weak and she slowly weakened and then passed quietly – Dickens fell into a profound depressed state. The Pickwick Papers was left half written for over a year, and all he could do was exist at the most basic of levels. Many people thought he was finished. What they did not know, nor Kate, was that he was also struggling with his feelings for the dead girl. It was shame. He could not – even now – disentangle all the wonderful and pleasurable feelings he had of Mary and find whether one or two of these threads were unwholesome, unnatural, sinful. It ate at his soul like cancer for those three years, and remnants of the disease still existed. But this did not mean he had no love for Kate – far from it – it was profound and universal. Ironically, this added to his guilt. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why he had to be in his room alone.

Then his thoughts turned to the apparition.

He was on his fourth sherry.

He tried to recall what the Falls had actually stirred in him prior to his vision of Mary, using his keen writer’s insight. The immensity of the Falls was there to behold and could not be ignored. It made him feel small and insignificant in this world, where, if he threw himself into the churning ice, water and rock he could imagine himself being distended, spread out into the universe – no pain, agony and terror – just emersion into oblivion. He laughed. As insignificant as man was in the presence of Niagara Falls, the thoughts it produced were profound and cosmic. Instead of making man trivial it made him master.

His line of thinking arrived at a deeper conclusion as to what caused him to be so moved by the Falls. He was not awed or terrified by Niagara – he was actually lulled into a sense of contentment. Peace of mind; tranquillity. He was near his Creator. Dickens articulated his thoughts by toasting the Falls and God at the same time, raising his glass. “You have instilled comfort in eternal rest.”

“I am glad,” came a young and familiar voice from behind him.

Dickens turned rapidly, spilling some of his sherry over his notepaper. Before him was Mary, at the tender age of when she died. Instead of dark recesses for eyes and a year’s worth of pain and suffering etched into a sallow face, she was vibrant again; colour in her clear and smooth skin; life in her eyes. He fell to the floor on his knees. “Is it really you?”

She wore a white dress that was one of his favourites, and she had no jewellery on her except for a simple silver chain around her neck and caressing her small, milk-white breasts. She smiled and stepped toward the incredulous writer, stopping about three feet from him.

He rose to his feet and found it difficult to believe how real she looked. There was no wispy apparition before him; he could actually smell her so wonderfully familiar lavender scent. “Why, why are you here?”

“I want you to be happy. I want to ease your suffering.” She was still smiling, but the look in her eyes had a depth to them that revealed some solemn purpose.

“I am a writer. We always suffer.” Dickens felt like an idiot the moment he uttered his words.

Mary’s eyelashes fluttered. “You have a choice on that matter. Perhaps I can help.” She moved closer to him and, to Dickens’ complete surprise, she placed her lips on his and kissed him long and passionately.

Her hands drew him closer to her, and he also tightly held her warm, soft body. Then he realised something was wrong. It was not the fact that Mary was so agonisingly substantial, and tasted and smelled so real, but that his passion was not there, or at least did not match hers.

He gently pushed her back and she continued to smile, with a virginal innocence that contrasted with the full blooded passion she had exhibited only moments before.

“What is wrong, Charles?”

“I, I cannot do this.”

“Why?” she asked.

“It is not right. I am married and you are my sister-in-law.”

Her smile disappeared. “You are correct, Charles, but there is more that has come out of this test. What did you feel?”

He thought quickly and delved into his own soul. “When I… kissed you, held you, it did not seem right. There was no love, not the way I make love with Kate.”

The smile returned to Mary’s face. “There. You have it. Your love for me when I was alive was not for a man for a woman, it was for our profound friendship… the three of us together. It is that simple. After I died you were grieved and it grew into something larger, more complicated. Distorted. You caused yourself to believe that your feelings were more than what they were.” She stepped back a few feet. “You need to understand that you need not suffer now. You should cherish the memories of our time together. I am at peace – I am resting in eternity. I am happy.”

Tears started to run down Dickens’ cheeks. “I am so glad you are happy. But the injustice, the loss…”

Mary placed her right index finger to her lips. “I am happy…” And then she faded away.

Charles Dickens, a few weeks after his thirtieth birthday, turned again to the view of the Falls. He looked to the remnants of sherry in his cut crystal glass and wondered if he had imagined it all, if the alcohol had addled his brain. He didn’t care. The short visit to Table Rock had allowed him to rediscover peace and contentment.

He got to his feet and slipped on his winter coat. I cannot wait to tell Kate that she has been here.
 

Author notes

This is set in a scene that is factual, and several phrases are taken from Dickens’ published letters. The only liberty I took, apart from the psychological (and parapsychological) assumptions, is that Dickens did not visit Table Rock in winter.

Short Story: My Animus

I am eating my own soul with hatred. I am curled up, gnawing at my knees with loathing. I despise the world and nothing would please me more than seeing it destroyed.

I do not know how long I have been imprisoned in this watery world. I am blind and immobilised; I remember nothing of how I got here. I dimly recall fighting the righteous in the fields and being vanquished, and my spirit soared the ether for two ages as humans counted years. I burned in hell-fire for thrice that period, punished for crimes against humanity. Now I have my new prison – this confining space, where my mind is addled; where all I have is my animus.

Why is the water so warm? Is it close to where I suffered the agonies of the fire? Perhaps. Why am I alive, given that I am immersed in this viscous liquid? I cannot be sure, but I feel that I am being nourished in some way. I have wondered about many things, and never get any answers. This is part of the torture, the punishment.

I’m special, anointed, superior. That was why I was persecuted and banished from the world. Death is not a finality for me, and I know I will return. One day. Oh they will suffer. They will grovel before me and pray to be my slaves.

The water has its own special sound. It is like the wind rustling in the trees, or waves breaking on the shores. It has a rhythm to it, like a heartbeat, and it seduces me with feelings of comfort and security. It lies. How can it give the impression of wholesomeness when it knows that I am confined in this agonising eternity? Another, more cruel dimension to the torment.

Wait! Something is happening! The rhythm is picking up pace and I feel pressure about me. Is this it? Is this the time I will be freed and finally fulfil my destiny?

The water, it is receding. Rapidly. I feel like I am being crushed, and yet I am being liberated. Freedom!

Chaotic, churning confusion. I am constricted and I feel that my life-system is shutting down. I feel something grasp my head with a titanic grip, and now I am washed in a cold blast of air! Light penetrates my eyelids and I force my eyes open, as I am choking – dying from lack of air. My back is slammed and I vomit the remains of the liquid that was in my lungs. I see nothing but indistinct images around me as I gulp for air. I cry. I cannot help it!

Laid on some bed I see blurry human figures, masked, stare at me. I continue to cry. I try to move my body and all I can do is wave my arms and legs uselessly. I have no control. I catch a glimpse of a golden cross around one neck.

My torture continues.

Short Story: The Other Side

Isabelle was guilt-ridden, scared, but most of all, excited.

She knew the path well – the worn track winding around the trees and shrubs of the mangrove swamp that skirted the eastern side of her property. She hardly noticed the vital smells of the briny forest, the high notes of the rotting vegetation. She knew where every tree root popped up to trip, and where every low overhanging branch threatened to scratch her face or tangle her long, auburn hair. It wasn’t something she had to think about – and there were many other matters that concerned her.

 

She felt the emergence of the usual churning in the middle of her stomach; the nagging sensation that Chris was following her, finally aware of her indiscretions. In the last few – and increasingly rare – conversations they had together, he had a look in his eyes that seemed to indicate that he was aware of a change in her. He’d kill me if he knew half the truth; no question, she darkly thought. Her brain told her that she was in the clear – her husband went fishing with his mates almost every Saturday, and he never failed to return home to their shack well after dark, and ugly drunk. She had at least five hours to herself, which meant five days… on the Other Side.

Isabelle shook her head in disbelief, as she had done so many times over the last two months. Her world had changed in many ways.

Every step she took toward the heart of the mangrove forest seemed like a mile further away from the world she feared and despised. As she stepped over a bulbous arch of mangrove root crossing her sandy path, using her hands to clear her way of cobwebs, she suddenly realised her trail was an apt representation of her life – a continuum punctuated with astonishing changes. She remembered, nearly twenty years before, arriving on the shores of Australia with her Irish parents, looking to a new life. For a thirteen year old it was a shock to the system, but she adapted well, and thrived at school. She had made many new friends.

She went to the University of Queensland in Brisbane and did very well, gaining a university medal in biology and saw a career – a life – that had no bounds.

Then she met Chris Latham. He was a bit of a rogue, but he was also full of energy and ideas. He had quit uni early, claiming he had learned enough geology to “make a go of it”, and had dreams of making his fortune in mining. Isabelle was swept up in his dreams, and his rugged looks, and they became lovers, and then were married. All within a year. She gave up her career to be his partner, and moved north to the port town of Gladstone, where Chris took up a menial job in the aluminium smelting plant, while he searched for the Big Break. Those years were lean but Isabelle smiled, recollecting the adventurous nature of their life together, and the energy Chris displayed in every single thing he did. She loved him; intensely. From the shock of his long blond hair, to the outdoors-toughened muscles of his body. From his optimistic smiles, to the blaze of ambition in his blue eyes. Yes, she unconditionally loved him.

Chris’ ambitions climaxed with the purchase of a hundred hectares of land along the coast north of Gladstone, about half way to Rockhampton. There was an old excavation called the Wild Cattle Shale Oil Mine and he was convinced it was the right starting point for his mining millions.

There was an old house on the site – more a shack – and Isabelle turned it into something resembling a home. It wasn’t just the couple’s home, it often accommodated snakes, spiders, millipedes, possums and rats. Her exposure to other human beings, except Chris of course, was the once a week, three hour journey to Gladstone for groceries and mining supplies. At first, Chris’ enthusiasm carried her through the loneliness, dirt, and creepy-crawlies…

She cursed bitterly under her breath – if he hadn’t changed he would have carried us through all the hard times, not just back then!

Was it two or three years ago when it all went wrong? she asked herself. She quickly did the calculation and realised it was over three. Well over. His prediction of a bull shale oil market was depressingly wrong, and he misjudged the extent to which his multinational competitors were willing to go to ruin the smallest of companies. After four years of struggle Chris and Isabelle were in financial ruin – and they couldn’t even afford to sell the land – it was worthless. Half of it was mangrove swamp; the other half was beyond improvement. The mine could not sustain a viable business. Chris took a part time job at the smelting plant again and often frequented the Grand Hotel before heading off home. He was tired, drunk, and completely spent of dreams. Isabelle’s deep green eyes started to moisten at this recollection – he changed, his very soul was torn to shreds. What was worse, he was trapped in his failures and couldn’t even afford to escape it.

There was pity at first – Chris had cried a few times at night in her arms, like a baby, and she remembered comforting him with words, such as “things will turn around, Chrissie, they always do” and “let’s sleep on it and see what we can do with this property… you never know, maybe we can start another business!” The look in his eyes did not accept the comfort; the only thing that was convincing was his own self-pity. Then one night the disappointment and shame drained completely away. It was like Chris had turned into a different person. He was angry. The world had acted unfairly to him (not us, she observed, to him). He lashed out at everyone and everything, especially when he was drunk, and the most accessible target was Isabelle.

She was smart and a real fighter, but the emotional rollercoaster of the past years in her isolated, subtropical home had eroded the edge she once had. She wasn’t prepared for this new Chris and she had been knocked off balance from the start. She remembered the night he had come home – inebriated again – and there was a stillness about him, much like a volcano that was ready to erupt and all the animal and bird life had left the region. There was a tangible smouldering in his eyes; she could almost discern two faint, glowering embers in the half-light of their dining room. Her instincts told her to say nothing. She prepared dinner and placed it in front of him on the table. Along with the beer. The next thing she remembered was waking up on the floor, tasting her blood in her mouth and in agonizing pain due to a dislocated jaw.

At first Isabelle found it in her heart to forgive Chris, and even imagined different scenarios where he would redeem himself, finding the spark to return to his former self. Over the next weeks the beatings continued, embarrassed lies before sceptical but silent doctors at Gladstone Hospital, and fear for her very life. And still she believed there was a miracle around the next corner. As the weeks turned into months, and then years, Isabelle adapted, learning how to avoid the beatings and demeaning words… most of the time. The fear of the fist, or worse, was ever hovering above her like a dark cloud. Her hope of seeing Chris turn back into the man who she remembered, was crushed, replaced by a numb resignation of her state. She was in a hole so deep she could not see over its edge.

Isabelle was most damaged by her loneliness. It was not just the lack of human contact, but it was also the change in Chris. As his depression deepened their love making grew less frequent, and less satisfying for both of them. This fed his depression and her loneliness. When he turned into an angry and abusive man, the love making disappeared, but the vacuum was filled by a nightmare. His touch was no longer tender and instead it repulsed her. Whether he noticed it or not didn’t matter; he took it when he wanted it. Resistance meant beatings. She suffered years of rape. She was grateful that she had difficulty conceiving; the thought of having children being brought into her nightmare world overwhelmed her.

She had thought about ending her life. More than once. It usually entered her mind when she had been abused. It eased away with time but returned when the cycle returned to the fist. It took her quite a while to realise that there was still a spark of survivor in her. It was like a pilot light that was buried deep inside, which only briefly flared when she was at her low points, compelling her to wait, to seize the opportunity when it arose.

Isabelle’s survival instinct finally emerged from its dark place about two months before. Inexplicably, unexpectedly, she decided she wanted to wander the swamplands that skirted the eastern side of her land. Now, as she traversed a particularly difficult part of the track, thinking about that moment when she first made the decision, she knew she was fated to make the journey. And she had repeated it many times since.

It was on a Saturday afternoon, that first time, just following a heavy shower. The sun had made an appearance and the humidity immediately imposed itself on the land. The sandflies buzzed ravenously, and Isabelle could hear the plop-plop sounds of mud crabs moving about the disturbed wetlands. It seemed the right time for a walk. She had followed the one and only trail into the heart of the mangrove swamp, and about a half hour into her journey she heard a faint, discernible hum; low harmonics. It reminded her of the sound of electricity substations, or mains lines. She stopped and tried to determine where the sound came from, and found it coming from her right. She left the path and after ten metres, Isabelle heard it loudest in a small clearing, separated by two large trees. She discovered the sound actually came from both the trees. She passed through the gap between them, encouraged by the same compelling voice inside of her that lured her on the track in the first place.

The hum intensified and the swamp transformed before her eyes. What were mudflats surrounded by mangrove trees and shrubs, was suddenly altered to tall conifers and a myriad of giant ferns. It was darker and cooler than in the subtropics of central Queensland and the acrid smell of briny water was replaced by the wholesome, thick scent of the vegetation of a rainforest. She again looked for the source of the humming sound, and saw the two spots where the trees had been, now replaced by small ferns, distorted as if she was looking at them through thick lenses. She continued walking, down a slight grade, and saw a clearing with a small, well-kept cottage, with a pretty English garden surrounding it.

As Isabelle approached the cottage the front door opened, and a tall man in his late twenties passed through the doorway. He was already peering at her – almost as if he had expected her all along. As she got nearer she had an opportunity to see the man better, and her breath was taken away. He was just over six feet in height and he had a body of a gymnast – perfect, well toned, vital. He had short dark brown hair and his eyes were light hazel in hue – something she had never seen before. His face was beautifully sculptured – rugged and yet his lines indicated a gentle person, sensitive, artistic. He smiled. It almost melted her heart there and then.

She remembered their first conversation, almost word for word.

“At last, a visitor!” he had said, in a tone that was inviting. His accent was odd – his English and diction were perfect, but the accent was untraceable.

Isabelle found it difficult to respond. It never occurred to her to ask why a house existed on her property, nor one so well constructed in the middle of nowhere.

The stranger seemed to sense her confusion. “My name is Barron. I welcome you to my abode. Would you like to share some tea with me? You look unsettled… perhaps some Earl Grey will invoke a calming atmosphere and allow me to explain what is happening.”

Isabelle was dumbstruck by his odd choice of words. Her instinct was to run, to hide and regather her sanity, but she was mesmerised by Barron… “That’s a German name, isn’t it? I think it means ‘freeman’,” she observed.

He chuckled; a genuine, honey-smooth laugh. “Not a common name, I believe. It is an apt name as no-one can be more free than I.” There had seemed to be a tinge of irony in his voice.

Isabelle realised that his response spawned more questions, but before she could talk he gently grasped her hand and led her into his home.

That day was the best she had had for as long as she could remember. The interior of the cottage was as homely and inviting as the exterior – it had an old world charm, with walls covered in colourful oil paintings, all in an early Nineteenth Century European style – particularly Romanticism, her favourite. The kitchen had a wood-fire stove, but of a modern design, and to her surprise she saw the kettle was just boiling, and a silver tray was on the small dining table with freshly baked lamingtons and lemon tarts nicely lined up for High Tea. There was the mouth watering smell of bread baking in the oven, but which could not hide the scent of lavender pot pori. The cottage seemed to have a feminine charm about it, something she herself would have ideally loved to own, and yet this most masculine of men was also at home there. She had wondered if she was dreaming.

Barron didn’t talk much over the first few hours; instead he offered tea, and later lunch, and asked questions that allowed Isabelle to open her heart and speak of her life, and her troubles. She was hesitant to recount Chris’ beatings and rape, but as the cuckoo clock sounded for the third hour, she broke down and told Barron everything. He listened, cried with her, comforted her with words and gentle caresses of her hand; he empathised – completely.

Eventually the fear of being home after Chris’ return shook her out of her fantasy. Barron smiled, understanding. “Isabelle, my dear. Please visit me again. I am always here. I have nowhere else to go.”

She stared deeply into his eyes. “I would like that… but I can’t just come every day. I… have obligations…”

He nodded. “And you have fear… and guilt. I like you Isabelle and I too am lonely. I have patience and I can wait. Come whenever you want to. Next time I will tell you some of my story.”

Isabelle remembered parting from Barron that first day. She left, waving an affectionate ‘goodbye’ and retracing her steps to the strange clearing with the hum. She wept all the way home, not realising exactly why. What surprised her, however, was that according to her watch, she had visited Barron and returned to her home in just over six hours, but according to her wall clock at home, she had been away only ninety minutes. Other clocks verified this, and the sun was still above the horizon.

The second time she visited Barron nearly didn’t happen because she had mixed feelings about the stranger. He had been the perfect host, ideal confidante, but he was also incredibly attractive – physically as well as in character. Aside from her fear of her liaison being discovered by Chris, she was also deeply moral and feared that she would succumb to something more than what she had first experienced with Barron. It was a mixed feeling – of shame and acute excitement. Over the seven nights that separated the first visit from the second, she had dreamed of Barron almost every time she had slept, and, she admitted to herself, on numerous occasions whilst awake. She swore a dozen times that she would no longer visit the cottage, as her motives had changed and they were immoral, lustful. But when the waves of loneliness set in – and they were something that came depressingly easy – the oath was conveniently forgotten. And so when Chris left in his truck for his fishing mates, she showered again, shaved her legs, wore her best, lightest dress, and set off for the secret clearing.

They made passionate love and Isabelle experienced sensations and depth of feeling she never imagined was possible. They talked some more – and made love again. She learned from Barron that time was different where he lived – that one hour in her world was twenty-five in his. Nothing surprised her any more; she accepted that the impossible was now plausible; immersion in his strange world was better than her miserable life with Chris.

He did talk about himself but never in depth and rarely with specifics. He was a stranger in the queer place where he had built his cottage. On one occasion he even admitted that he was “alone in this entire world”, whatever that actually meant. She rarely probed him, for fear of bursting the bubble that she had found herself in; and yet, as time progressed, she knew that as long as she was on the Other Side, the bubble was sound, impregnable. Perhaps what satisfied her the most was that single certainty. On another night Barron described a little about the world they were in. He said that the sea was far away and the rainforest they were in was primitive and had creatures that were strange and lethal. He added that the clearing surrounding the cottage was protected by a type of force field, much like the humming device that Isabelle used as a gate.

As Isabelle heard the familiar hum off the track, and she stepped toward the two mangrove trees that provided the gate to the Other Side, she thought again about Barron, and what constituted the man. He was perfect. More than perfect because perfection had a benchmark in her world and Barron exceeded it. She was first worried about this – wasn’t it a truism that many a woman got bitterly disappointed after wedding the perfect man? Wasn’t this the case with Chris? She shook her head, combating the thought, arguing that the differences between the two men were like chalk and cheese – Chris was never perfect, and she had loved him for his strengths (as long as they lasted), and Chris was not otherworldly. She laughed; perhaps it took a man from another world to insure against disappointment.

She easily located the trees that served as the gate posts and wandered through, entering the ferny land of the Other Side. She skipped down the gradual slope and ran around a clump of evergreen trees, revealing the familiar, serene cottage. As usual, Barron opened the door, smiling, his eyes glinting with his penetrating, knowing gaze.

Isabelle approached the cottage with her usual rising excitement, slowly shedding the trepidation she had carried with her from her world. Although never entirely. While healed in many ways, she could not completely remove the guilt of her affair, nor the fear of her murderous husband.

She passed into the cottage garden, smelling the wafting perfume of daisies, jasmine and lavender. Barron smiled again. “Darling, welcome back. The kettle is already on the stove.”

Isabelle’s mouth formed a wide grin. “As usual; how do you…”

Her words were cut short by a loud rustling of ferns behind her. She quickly turned and saw Chris running into the clearing, holding a shotgun with a knuckle-white tight grip. His face was red with rage, his lips curled back, revealing his yellow teeth in a snarl. She cried out, “No!” which was all she could muster.

Chris rushed past her, muttering “bitch”, and then directed his shotgun toward Barron. “You scumbag! Sleep with my wife? Sleep with this!”

Time seemed to slow for Isabelle; every detail became starkly clear. Barron didn’t seem shocked or afraid for his life, but he lifted his hand as if to deliberately do something special. She couldn’t understand what Chris was saying while in this slow-motion state but she saw spit flying off his lips, and the redness of his eyes. The shotgun suddenly fired, smoke slowly billowing from its muzzle and then the shot visibly flying toward Barron. Isabelle tried to scream but she was as slow as the world around her, and she tried to scream again when she saw the shot impact Barron.

Time returned to normalcy. Chris snorted and stepped closer to Barron, lying on the doorstep, eyes open, still breathing. “Don’t move, Belle, you’re next.” He lifted his shotgun again, aiming for the slumped man’s head, when Barron lifted his hand again. The cottage shook. Chris noticed it and paused, lifting his eyes to see what was happening. The cottage shook again. About a quarter of the building turned into shiny, copper-coloured metal. Chris stepped back, a look of shock on his face. Then the metal hummed – a lower pitch than what Isabelle had heard at the gate. Chris suddenly gulped, his eyes started to bulge, and he was about to cry out in pain when, almost instantly, he turned white hot and transformed to ash, falling gently to the ground, while his shotgun fell as a slag heap on the cottage porch.

Isabelle didn’t even think about Chris; she rushed to her lover, and knelt beside him. He was clearly dying. It was a miracle he wasn’t dead already.

Baron touched her lips with his fingers. “Do not speak, Isabelle. Do not speak. I will be gone soon; in minutes. I need to talk to you, to tell you something.”

Isabelle started to sob uncontrollably but when she saw his wonderful hazel eyes, those penetrating, all-knowing eyes, she paused, nodding her head.

“Darling. I have never lied to you, but I left much out about myself. I am a Wanderer, and that is my prime purpose. I wandered to this world but something went wrong. I was doomed to die because I was so far away from my home; a slow deterioration. I probably only had a few of your months left. Your husband has only hastened my end.

“I have lived a very long time and I have reconciled myself to my fate. I devised the gate to stem my loneliness and to allow me to impart a gift on your world.”

Isabelle managed to croak a question. “My world?”

“I know you have often wondered where we are. This valley is your world, but millions of years in the past. The gate travels time, not space.” He stopped momentarily, fighting a spasm of pain, or perhaps fighting the seductive urge to close his eyes. “Listen, Isabelle. As a Wanderer I was not human, not the man you see. But I can alter my biological matrix as easily as my surrounds, and believe me, Isabelle, I am as human as you now know me. In every way. Including knowing love. I love you, Isabelle.”

Tears streamed down her face. “I love you too, Barron.”

His destroyed body started to tangibly shake. His eyes began to roll. “I have a gift for you Isabelle. And your world.” He shakily lifted his hand again.

The metal area of the cottage altered again, and a sliver of white light suddenly encompassed Isabelle’s torso. She looked down and heard a rapid heartbeat, coming from her womb. She sucked her breath in with shock.

“Go now, Isabelle. When I die all that I have brought with me will perish as well, including the gate. I live in you now, and when she grows up she will change your life forever, as well as your world.”

She wanted to stay with him, but he waved his hand urgently at her. Isabelle kissed his lips and picked herself up.

She ran, sobbing, through the gate to her world, but not before she looked back, one last time, at the Other Side.